Oral East Africa>Rethinking the Place of Dowry in Today’s Marriages At the hut of the story

Written by Lynette Ogollah

Picture this: a man, deeply in love, stands on the verge of a new chapter in his life. He has to prepare for an onerous, elaborate and costly journey with his kinsmen to pay dowry to his beloved. He harbors lots of unanswered questions. Is this merely a vain formality, a relic of the past? Or does this ceremony still hold deeper significance in today's evolving concept of relationships and marriage?

Six years ago a man from Embu county made headlines when he walked off a dowry ceremony in protest of what he termed as extortion. Mbogo and his family had initially been made to pay a litany of fines- for arriving late, for not following ‘protocol’ as they entered the homestead…so much that when money was mentioned in another instance, he excused himself, walked off the gate and vowed to never return to the homestead with or without a wife.

Token of appreciation

For centuries, dowry has been a significant part of many cultures, symbolizing the transfer of responsibility from the bride's family to the groom. Remarkably, in Kenya, besides legitimizing a customary marriage, dowry is viewed as a token of appreciation to the bride's parents for caring and raising her, or perhaps a compensation for the loss being incurred as the bride leaves her family.

Initially, the ‘token of appreciation’ was in the form of cattle or other livestock, and, or farm produce, however, the bahasha phenomenon has taken precedence, where a certain amount of money much more like a priced good in the market is set for the bride's family, and a small window of negotiation allowed for the groom’s team. In a few instances, it takes the benevolence and firmness of the girl and her parents to make the dowry a true token of appreciation and as a symbol of respect and commitment.

Christianity

The typical traditional Christian families in Kenya often see the dowry followed by an elaborate white wedding as a standard practice, in line with church teachings. However, with changing economic times, the cost of dowries has skyrocketed, placing immense pressure on grooms and their families. To cope with these exorbitant expenses, communities have turned to innovative solutions, including the formation of Whatsapp groups dedicated to raising funds for dowries.

In several instances the brides have had to secretly contribute to their own dowry kitty, just to fulfill the societal expectation of what a successful ceremony would look like. Amidst these intricacies, another layer of complexity emerges. What about women who are orphans? Their dowry, meant to honor their family, often falls into the hands of distant relatives who may have played little to no role in their upbringing. Is it fair that these individuals reap the benefits of a tradition meant to honor the bride’s family?

However, in a generation that is alive to the technological advancements, economic uncertainty, growing emphasis on human rights and individual autonomy, and diverse state-recognized marriage options, the relevance of dowry is on a balance.

Instead of laboring for days planning for and ammersing resources for dowry, any two Kenyan’s above the age of consent can apply online for a civil marriage giving notice of 21 days or less at cost ranging from KES 3,900 to 9,700 depending on the urgency. In less than 20 minutes on the booked date, a man and a woman could walk out of the registrar of marriages at the Office of the Attorney General as a legally married couple.

Some few liberal churches have also made provisions for their congregants to have a church wedding without paying the bride price as long as both families agree to that in writing.

Consequences of unpaid dowry

Yet, despite these efforts, the weight of tradition looms large. In many cultures, a marriage is not considered complete until the dowry is paid in full. This societal expectation extends beyond the couple themselves, impacting their legal and social status. In cases where a dowry remains unpaid, even if the couple has started a family and built a life together, their marital status may be questioned, leading to social stigma and legal complications.

The consequences of unpaid dowries can be particularly dire in the event of a spouse's death. In cultures where the payment of dowry is a precondition for marriage like among the Luhya, the Luo and in most tribes in Kenya, the failure to settle this debt before the passing of a spouse can result in profound repercussions.

For the surviving spouse, typically the wife, the absence of a paid dowry may deny her rightful place within her husband's family and community. Tragically, this can extend to her burial arrangements, where she may be denied burial on her husband's ancestral land unless the dowry is paid in full, even if the couple had been together for years and shared a family.

In this way, the tradition of dowry not only perpetuates financial strain but it also underscores the importance of critically examining cultural practices and finding ways to reconcile tradition with modern values of equality and dignity for all individuals involved.

As we evaluate the role of the dowry ceremony in society today and in the years to come, let's consider the implications of holding onto traditions that may no longer serve a practical purpose. Let's spark a conversation about the future of marriage customs and the importance of adapting to a changing world while still respecting our cultural heritage.