Orals East Africa>Black girl Magic At the hut of the story

Written by Florence Riako Anam

Black girl magic is my accountability girlfriend group. In this group, we get together every five years to develop and jointly validate our personal strategic plans. Break them down into annual in person review and planning meetings as well as quarterly virtual reviews. In short, we keep each other accountable towards realizing our life dreams.

Early September, we were in Lamu, Kenya for three days of reviewing our personal strategic plans 2019-2023 and planning for 2024-2029. Firstly, Lamu is glorious. Just the amount of quiet, peace and water for our much-needed self and group reflections. And the sunset on the boat views that brings forth nothing but prayers of gratitude

Read also: The Adulting epidemic

How did we begin, you may ask

The Beginning

Three friends and I realized in 2012 that every time we met for our Friday after work drinks all we did was whine incessantly about the very many things that were not going right with our lives. In retrospect, there was nothing significantly wrong with our lives, we had relatively okay jobs and average lives. We however felt stuck. We knew we could do more with our lives, we just did not know how or even what more looked like. So, we moaned so much it was exhausting. I have since named this phase of my life “In the meantime” motivated by Iyanla Vanzant’s book with the same title.

At the time all of us were involved in our organizations strategic plan development process and would speak about it. It was natural therefore that one of us asked if we could pool together all the lessons from our work experiences to develop our own lives strategic plan! What a great idea right? So, we set it in action. Each one of us, had to reflect and make plans across the following five pillars: (1) Finances,(2) Relationships, (3) Personal development,(4) Health and (5) Spirituality. So serious about this we were that we included in this process a three-day retreat in Malindi to review and critique each other’s plans. Out of that meeting in November 2012 we developed our personal strategic plans for the period 2013-2018.

There is something powerful about writing your plans down, saying them out loud (to a trusted group of people) and maybe additionally typing them out neatly into a pdf document. A lot happened in that five-year period, including all of us losing our then jobs and moving into others yet we accomplished so much. Excited about the milestones realized in that five-year period, my friend Margaret and I decided to do this again. Margaret brought a friend Terry, and I brought two Tania and Rose. Then we were five! And the Black Girls Magic group came to life.

In planning for 2019-2023 period we all committed to an accountability mechanism involving an annual in person review and planning meeting, and quarterly virtual review meetings from which we monitored progress, shared our life altering experiences and encouraged each other to stay on course. This year, Chichi and Sbo, joined in and the seven of us got together to plan for 2024/25-2029/30

I see the seasons of our lives and the women we continue to evolve into from these plans. In the period of our strategic plans 2019-2023 all of us turned 40 and were extremely tested. None of us went unscathed from life altering experiences which included loss of jobs, income and property previously acquired, Divorce, loss of relationships, facing the realities of mortality, our own and our parents, migration across countries and back home. The last five years tested us all and taught us a lot.

This is why I am so proud of what we all presented as our achievements across plans. It’s incredible how much we were all able to stay on track, despite life’s curveballs. Being in Lamu with these incredible women, who I have welcomed to do life with me I was in awe of our journeys, how brave and resilient we are, particularly with how focused we remain in our dreams for ourselves and the people we love and how curious we remain to the possibilities available for us in life. Jane Fonda is my favorite woman friendship ambassador. She once said “Women’s friendships are like a renewable source of power”

As we made plans for the next five years of our lives, it was clear to us how different they must look. All of us are closer to our 50’s than to our 20’s. The stakes are different. We planned more carefully about our aging, retirement and legacy. We also, used this time to name our bullshit and be open about the various limiting beliefs or behaviors that continued to keep us away from our desired goals. There is a lot to unpack from this trip. Today, however, I would like to share three things I have learned about the journey that is Black Girl magic

Three Little Birds

One – Friendships are intentional: You have to create time and intention to keep your friendships. As we grow older and have more issues competing for time, it becomes difficult to meet friends randomly. Our intention to meet every quarter virtually and annually in person is a complete battle with our calendars but we do it. What I get here is people reminding me to keep to my plans but also being available to love my friends through their life’s seasons.

Two- Make huge plans. Plan like there is no obstacle or limitations. Reach for the stars land on the moon type of planning! Aim high, set ambitious goals, and pursue your dreams with unwavering determination. You will surprise you!! I am not in anyway saying that you will not face setbacks or that your journey will be smooth. But if my experience after two strategies is anything to go by? Write that plan down. Be bold. Wish upon the stars for a journey of least resistance and Go get em!!

Three – Mess is the foundation for growth: For this to work, we must come in our truth. For this to happen we must be vulnerable, trust each other with our rage, joy and broad range of emotions. That means this space is created to hold with care our mess, imperfections and realities. In 2012, there was a lot of crying in between discussions. In 2024, there was less tears, more acceptance of the realities currently and ahead of us. Every season is different. The only constant is the space of care we have and continue to create for our growth. And grow we are.

As we get to the end of the year and that time when we are deeply reflecting on plans for the next year, I hope you are inspired to dream and write down your dreams. If you can, find your tribe of trusted friends and hold each other accountable!!