Surviving ‘In between jobs’

Written by Oral East Africa

I just finished reading Jackson Biko’s book “Let me call you back”. A little disclaimer, this is not a book review. I needed a short read during travel and quickly grabbed this off the shelf as it felt like the right amount of pages with no pressure to keep turning pages the whole month. Imagine my shock when I realized it was a book about job loss and someone’s reaction to it.

Serendipity? Due to the decision of the current US government, many of our partners are being let go with many people losing jobs they have held for years. The uncertainty in the future of our work made this a very relatable book for me.

Let me call you back is the story of Samora, a middle-aged man living the middle-class life in Nairobi with his wife and son, working as a highly paid engineer. Samora got laid off from work and now sitting with his therapist sharing how quickly his fall from grace happened thanks to his decisions which you may deem cowardly or brave depending on your worldview. I was particularly surprised by the lengths he went to maintain a sense of dignity among his peers, from not informing his wife he lost his job, buying a car he shouldn’t have bought to maintain a façade, borrowed money and lied his way around for a period.

This book took me back to my own experiences of job loss, which like any one who has spent their career time in the NGO sector is more than once. I reflected about the three key times I lost my job and the key ways I managed to stay on life course, raising my kids, paying my bills and holding everything together.

I first lost my job due to a restructuring, then lost my job because of my HIV status, then lost my job because I felt underappreciated and so walked out in protest, then lost my job because of a US stop work order during Obama’s presidency, then lost my job when our organization imploded. Wow. I probably I’m an expert in surviving ‘in between jobs’

depressing

All these moments and the nature of every particular job loss were survived differently. For instance, I think I spent a long time when I lost my job due to being HIV positive sitting in the ‘victim’ stage. I cried and raged and sat in so much darkness that a friend politely asked to stay away from me until I had gotten past my negative state. I must admit, that stung at the time, but makes lots of sense now. Fast forward to the 2014 and 2018 experiences where I in large part stayed proactive and on the go.

I look at a lot of my colleagues and peers now facing this reality. For many, this feels like the end of the world. And in some ways it actually is. I would like to let you know that even though you may not believe it, You will get through this, and on the other end of it will be a version of you that you will be glad you have met.

Sharing below three things to do/ reflect upon as you navigate this moment;

Slow down, stop for a moment

A friend of mine said this to me in 2018 and I like to share it with everyone choosing to step out of work or has been let go. “Florence, I know the immediate need for you is to get out and be on the move to find the next thing and that is okay. But one morning, you will wake up and find you have no energy to get out of bed, or if you make it out of bed, you will struggle with a mundane task like washing your face or making your bed, I would like for you to be attentive to this day when it comes, please give in to it. Go back to bed, or sit still. Sit in that moment however long it takes.”

For many of us, the idea of sitting still is scary, what would we sit still for? That is a waste of time right, also as we sit how will the bills get paid? Listen, when this day came, I was heading out to go to school for my scheduled masters' thesis research project. I couldn’t walk out of my house. So I sat down and for three days I was in silence. I did graduate a year later in case you are wondering.

Author Nanette Mathews asked, “If you are always racing to the next moment, what happenes to the one you are in?”

I think this moment in silence, away from the emotions of the decisions that have now currently impacted your life are good for allowing you to come to terms with what this is. A huge loss. For many, our work defines who we are, its more than a salary, it is our true sense of being, and now this is gone. Its okay to sit and mourn the end of a chapter and take stock of all your emotions. Better to do it now than to carry it with you for months on end. Sometimes we carry it into the next interview process and into the next job, someday, like anything else, overburdened by this weight of loss, you will fall. So best to take the time now.

In those three days, I sat and thought, I got angry, I mourned, I bargained with my thoughts, and acknowledged there was a lesson here somehow. In that moment, I also reminded myself the many times I have been past this, that period of silence also allowed me to at least come up with a six-month plan. What I would need to do, where I would need to adjust my budgets, and how I would keep my financial commitments before I had to touch my savings. They were calm decisions not those made in a rush or while anxious.

Speak Up, Ask for help

One of the tools for surviving the ‘in-between jobs’ status is speaking up. Well, technically it’s the humility needed to speak up. When you get humble, then you communicate to those in your house that you need their help to manage the situation. That money is tight now. Even children understand it. People always take this responsibility of not wanting to let people down and so further dig themselves into graves of debt trying to keep up a pretend life. I believe being open with your loved ones and asking directly how you need them to come through for you is important. It also shows the maturity of humility, and being able to receive.

Speak to a therapist or a coach. This is a loss. You need help to navigate and manage loss. All of us do. A coach, helps you review what you are good at and plan for either a redirection or growth plan.

Speak to your social capital, the one you had, the ones you will make in this period. I ask of my friends now that they must require their friendships to hold them through this period. A contact, a connection, a chance at a gig. Use your connections and your connections, connections. Be hungry. Many people frown at it in the open but trust me, we admire this unique skill. The person I continue to learn this skill from as I watch her excel in this area and then emulate to my own success is my dear friend Doris. You get to be proactive, you get to not sweat the small stuff. In the words of Doris, “if people aren’t frowning at your phone calls, you probably haven't asked enough.” Ask and it shall be given to you. Again, the muscle you need here is the humility to ask, the persistence to keep asking, and the discernment to move ahead, or identify who has what opportunity for you. The other muscle you will build is how to make a ‘Good ASK’ I think this can be a post all on its own- How to ASK effectively.

Be in motion

Okay I know I said be still and go back to bed when the body asks this of you, but, do not stay in bed or still forever. Muster internal willpower to get out of that space once you are in. Do not stay still too long otherwise, you won't be able to get up and get in motion. All (except 1) period of being ‘in between jobs’ have me morphing into someone in motion.

I walked to offices and showed how I can be useful, I invited myself into national HIV planning meetings in and out of Nairobi at my cost and made myself a resource person that would be useful and needed and would then be invited into many many other meetings and processes. I was available and innovative. I walked into an organization once, asked to speak to their Director and made a proposal for how I would grow and institutionalize PLHIV-led advocacy. Needless to say, when an opportunity showed up, I was considered for an interview. Whats the backbone here? Speed and dependability. You must be fast, you must be dependable and you definitely must create your usefulness in whatever sector you are in or wish to be.

One more thing. PRAY. I am not sure what prayer means to you. For me, the easy part is to make the ASK. Depending on your belief, this can be to a higher power, in my case God. To others it may be to the universe and to others it may be the art of visualization. For all of this, the ASK is easy. Be in the space to receive. This is the hard part. Being in the right frame of mind and spirit to receive your ask in prayer. Meditate, keep a positive spirit, and be hopeful and in anticipation. Oh, and keep in motion. Remember, Hebrew 11.1 KJV “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”