Having self-doubt? You are in good company

Mathematician Nassim Nicholas Taleb once said, “If you see fraud and do not say fraud, you are fraud”. What do you do then if the fraud is in you?

In 2018, I for once felt like a fraud. Not in the dictionary sense of a person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming accomplishments or qualities.

I had been appointed as an Advocacy advisor of this prestigious international humanitarian organization but on my first day, I could feel less deserving.

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On my first day, I walked into a meeting full of doctors, researchers, epidemiologists, and pharmacists. “What do I say to these people that they do not know already?” I wondered in despair. “Will they take me seriously?” I pondered.cularly have felt like I am dodging bullets like superman whenever people compliment my work.  

Cat got your tongue

Then I lost my voice! Let me tell you, when you are hired to work as an advocacy advisor; the last thing you want to lose is your voice. Advocacy is about speaking up! I needed my voice! Suffice it to say the first six months at my new job were a nightmare!

The excitement that had first hit me when I received the call confirming I got the job fazed too quickly. As I arrived in my new office, I was hit by the worst form of self-doubt imaginable. “Why I’m I here”? I asked myself, “who else applied for this job, and why did they pick me and not them?”

At that moment, it felt like it did not matter how hard I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone and applied for a job went through a two -month rigorous interview process to get here.

Imposter syndrome

Does any of you relate to what I was going through at this time? It was a relief a few months later to find out that there was a name for what I was experiencing. The imposter Syndrome!

The Impostor syndrome was first defined by Rose Chance and Susan Imes in 1978 as the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills. It is increasingly presented in the media and lay literature as a key behavioral health condition affecting professional performance and contributing to burnout.

Acclaimed author Maya Angelou once shared that “ I have written eleven books but each time I think, uh oh! They are going to find me out”

Remember Margaret Chan? She was the former Director General of the World Health Organizations. She also shared;  “there are an awful lot of people out here who think I am an expert. How do these people believe all these about me? I am so much aware of all the things I do not know”

Former US first lady Michelle Obama speaks a lot about her own experience with Imposter syndrome. In one of her interviews, she opines that because for so long, women and girls have been told we don’t belong in the classroom, boardroom, or any room where big decisions are being made. Even when we do manage to get into the room, we are still second-guessing ourselves, unsure if we really deserve our seat at the table.

Is this just a female problem you may ask? It is not. Albert Einstein who is known to be one of the smartest people that ever lived also shared “ The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler”

Masks of imposters

Dr. Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It, shares that in order to survive, people develop certain qualities that masks their self-doubt. She identifies these five types of “impostors.”

The expert who will only take on tasks that they feel they are confidently informed about. They are slow at decision making and the time spent searchingfor information can make it hard to complete tasks and projects on time or at all.

The perfectionists are also similar to experts. They set themselves extreme goals that they spend a lot of time preparing to achieve. They are constantly critical of themselves focussing on areas where they could have done better rather than celebrate their achievements.

Natural geniuses are the people who naturally master many new skills quickly and easily and feel ashamed and weak when faced with a goal that is too hard.

The soloist, are the kind that prefer to work alone, fearing that asking for help will reveal incompetence. The person may turn down help in an attempt to prove their self-worth.

Superheroes often are identified as workaholics. They are the ones who pride themselves in being first in and last out of the office. They are always needing to work harder to measure up. The joy is in getting the impossible done often at the expense of living life. The high from this experience is intense I must confess as this is the perfect portrayal of who I am.

Awareness

Do these descriptions sound familiar? you or someone you know? The following tips are helpful for managing the imposter syndrome.

One, talk about it; you know what they say about a problem shared. Second, be aware of the imposter syndrome; your own or others. This will be useful to seeking or providing support.

Lastly, challenge negative thoughts by swapping them with positive ones. For example, you could remind yourself of the moments in which you excelled at near impossible tasks.

Have a fraud feeling free week, will you?

The Writer is the Co-Executive Director, the Global Network of People Living with HIV (GNP